Single and Clueless

For all you poor unsuspecting and clueless souls, this one's for YOU!

Here is a list of 15 things that will let you know you're single again:

1. No more sweet phone calls or brief notes
2. The "It's not you. It's me." Speech
3. S/he's dating your friend and/or sister/brother.
4. He's dating another man.
5. She's dating another woman
6. S/he forgot you on the holidays or on your birthday.
7. S/he stands you up.
8. You caught her/him kissing someone else.
9. They through you out of a moving car or tie you to train tracks.
10. They jump in front of a bus.
11. They take you bungee jumping and cut your cord.
12. They ask if you want to see his/her pistol.
13. When you come to his/her door, they cut the lights off and act like they're not home.
14. They ignore you.
15. And the kicker... They tell you!



In conclusion and in the kindest way possible, GET A CLUE... GET A LIFE!


Luv,

Vanessa

Miss You Lots

I miss my homeless stalker!
If you're out there Victor, don't be taking money from anyone prettier than me.

PS I'm sure my money bought you a computer so I KNOW you're reading this.

Luv,
Vanessa

Judge Not...

DON'T Judge* somebody by their addictions
Who knows maybe someday you'll have one in common.
; )

* Especially not people who love to gamble and drink excessively! Anybody wanna hang out???

NO MEANS NO!

Isn't NO the same in every language?!

Our clever friend says, ' No doesn't always mean no!'
We think he's an anonymous date rapist!

luv,
Vanessa

My Homeless Stalker...

Don't be nice! Being nice ALWAYS comes back to bite me in the ass!

I now have a homeless stalker. His name's Victor and he wants to marry me or at least ride my coattails for a while. I gave him money today "for socks and underwear". Boxers to be specific. I'd tell you why he can't wear tighty-whitey's but do you really want to hear? My friends are aghast! 'WHY did you talk to him about his testicle-issues?' I don't know. It's hard to explain. I like listening to people talk. I'm ALWAYS amazed at what comes out of people's mouths when you let them talk. People reveal the most personal things when someone is just listening.

Anyway, my advice to you is, DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!!! Keep moving!

I guess I thought I'd be nice and get into heaven; but, my friend says 'NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!'

Soylent Green

Anybody hungry?

Greatest Movies Ever???!

Usual Suspects
Coming To America
Fight Club
Glory
GI Jane*
Color Purple*

*(Hey We're chicks what do you expect)

Movies we want to see...

The Muppets Get Gang Raped

Mood Killers

1. The word "NO"!
2. Married Men who act single
3. Married Men who don't tell you they're married
4. Children of speaking age
5. Children who can open doors
6. Children who don't live with the other parent
7. Photos of Britney Spears
8. STD's
9. Buckley's cough syrup
10. Celebrity crotch shots
12. Cigarette breath
13. Gnarly teeth (BRUSH THEM PLEASE!!!)
14. Hot breath
15. EX's, every one of them!
16. Crowded subway rides
17. A guy who's apartment has no bathroom (Yeah, I've been there)
18. Roving eyes
(Just go. If you can't even stay focused looking in one direction what else can't you do?!)
19. Using the word "MOIST" as a pick up line, for instance walking up to a woman and exclaiming, "My God You're moist."
20. Do you REALLY need that little blue pill?
21. Parole

and yours are?
Luv,
Vanessa