Who knew?
John Edwards a baby-daddy...
Squeaky clean Jamie Lynn a Momma to Be...
So Fun for all of us to see how the mighty keep falling.
I LOVE when hypocrites are exposed.
Who's next?
Luv,
Vanessa
Friday, December 21, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
My New HERO!!!
I have a new hero.
I met someone who DOESN'T know who Matt Lauer is.
She DOESN'T have a TV.
But if she wanted one she'd get an ex-boyfriend to pay for it.
Let's stick with her!!!
Luv,
Vanessa
I met someone who DOESN'T know who Matt Lauer is.
She DOESN'T have a TV.
But if she wanted one she'd get an ex-boyfriend to pay for it.
Let's stick with her!!!
Luv,
Vanessa
X Boyfriends RULE!
If it weren't for ex-boyfriends...
1. I wouldn't have a job
2. I wouldn't have any money
3. I wouldn't have an apartment
4. I would NEVER go out to nice restaurants,
once every six months when they visit
My advice....
CHOOSE YOUR EX BOYFRIENDS WELL!
Luv,
Vanessa
1. I wouldn't have a job
2. I wouldn't have any money
3. I wouldn't have an apartment
4. I would NEVER go out to nice restaurants,
once every six months when they visit
My advice....
CHOOSE YOUR EX BOYFRIENDS WELL!
Luv,
Vanessa
Friday, December 14, 2007
X Boyfriends
Who DOESN'T go back to old boyfriends when there's nothin' else to do?
It's so easy these days with impersonal personals like IM and Texting...
Know what? They're BORING! and after 5 minutes there's NOTHING left to say to them.
Guess that's why they're XXXX's !
Trust me, leave them in the past!
Luv,
Vanessa
It's so easy these days with impersonal personals like IM and Texting...
Know what? They're BORING! and after 5 minutes there's NOTHING left to say to them.
Guess that's why they're XXXX's !
Trust me, leave them in the past!
Luv,
Vanessa
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Beware of the PP (Porn Passenger)!
It always amazes me how people don't seem to realize that the cameras are always rolling and someone is always watching. As I was going home on the train last night, I noticed that a "gentleman" was sitting in the seat across from me, but facing the opposite direction. As I looked a little closer, I noticed him reading a porn magazine. I couldn't believe that someone would have the audacity to pull something like that out in public. What is on people's minds?! The only thing I saw on the cover was big breasted women in nasty positions. It was shocking. Everytime someone would walk by, he would slip it back into his bag quickly and when the coast was clear, he's pull it back out again. Eventually the female train conductor noticed what he was doing and looked at me to see if I'd noticed too. Without saying anything to him, she sat in the seat next to him to make sure he didn't take it out again. What a ride that was! So beware of the public seat you sit in. The porn passenger may have sat in it before you!
Luv,
Vanessa
Luv,
Vanessa
Matt Lauer, a SYNThespian?!
I'm convinced Matt Lauer IS an ANIMATRON after catching him try to play guitar on today's Today Show. Ugh! Could he BE more robotic?
Does anyone understand how he got where he did?
Luv, Vanessa
Does anyone understand how he got where he did?
Luv, Vanessa
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Be Kind to Your Neighbor
Please be kind to your neighbor. If you know your breath smells like hot salami or bologna mixed with old cabbage, please refrain from using the following words and/or phrases:
1.) Hello
2.) How are you?
3.) Happy to meet you.
4.) How about a kiss.
Actually, just don't speak. Keep your lips as tight as possible so hell doesn't seep out. Remember, "Fresh breath is the right breath!"
Luv,
Vanessa
1.) Hello
2.) How are you?
3.) Happy to meet you.
4.) How about a kiss.
Actually, just don't speak. Keep your lips as tight as possible so hell doesn't seep out. Remember, "Fresh breath is the right breath!"
Luv,
Vanessa
The END of Civility
We know society is in dire straits because...
People clap NO MATTER WHAT Dr. Phil, Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray do/say.
Babies are thrown down stairs in attempted robberies.
Insufferably boring men like Matt Lauer make millions a year as tv personalities.
We care when Prince William and Harry break up with their ho's.
We want to see all the places Britney is bald. Ashamed, but still interested.
We spend our salaries on coffee that takes 10 minutes to order and another 20 to get.
They haven't taken iVillage off the air YET!
WALMARTarians are EVERYWHERE. (Hey, you can get a bra and a gun to put in it at the same time)
Because we think chivalry for men is them actually returning their text messages within 24 hours. ( I always say, if a man can't call he's NOT the guy)
People clap NO MATTER WHAT Dr. Phil, Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray do/say.
Babies are thrown down stairs in attempted robberies.
Insufferably boring men like Matt Lauer make millions a year as tv personalities.
We care when Prince William and Harry break up with their ho's.
We want to see all the places Britney is bald. Ashamed, but still interested.
We spend our salaries on coffee that takes 10 minutes to order and another 20 to get.
They haven't taken iVillage off the air YET!
WALMARTarians are EVERYWHERE. (Hey, you can get a bra and a gun to put in it at the same time)
Because we think chivalry for men is them actually returning their text messages within 24 hours. ( I always say, if a man can't call he's NOT the guy)
CLEAN YOUR PLATE
Bashy, Bashy Blue says...
In Japan cleaning your plate is an insult, it means you want more, that you're never satisfied. I guess I'm going to be insulting a lot of people...
Luv,
Vanessa
In Japan cleaning your plate is an insult, it means you want more, that you're never satisfied. I guess I'm going to be insulting a lot of people...
Luv,
Vanessa
Single and Clueless
For all you poor unsuspecting and clueless souls, this one's for YOU!
Here is a list of 15 things that will let you know you're single again:
1. No more sweet phone calls or brief notes
2. The "It's not you. It's me." Speech
3. S/he's dating your friend and/or sister/brother.
4. He's dating another man.
5. She's dating another woman
6. S/he forgot you on the holidays or on your birthday.
7. S/he stands you up.
8. You caught her/him kissing someone else.
9. They through you out of a moving car or tie you to train tracks.
10. They jump in front of a bus.
11. They take you bungee jumping and cut your cord.
12. They ask if you want to see his/her pistol.
13. When you come to his/her door, they cut the lights off and act like they're not home.
14. They ignore you.
15. And the kicker... They tell you!
In conclusion and in the kindest way possible, GET A CLUE... GET A LIFE!
Luv,
Vanessa
Here is a list of 15 things that will let you know you're single again:
1. No more sweet phone calls or brief notes
2. The "It's not you. It's me." Speech
3. S/he's dating your friend and/or sister/brother.
4. He's dating another man.
5. She's dating another woman
6. S/he forgot you on the holidays or on your birthday.
7. S/he stands you up.
8. You caught her/him kissing someone else.
9. They through you out of a moving car or tie you to train tracks.
10. They jump in front of a bus.
11. They take you bungee jumping and cut your cord.
12. They ask if you want to see his/her pistol.
13. When you come to his/her door, they cut the lights off and act like they're not home.
14. They ignore you.
15. And the kicker... They tell you!
In conclusion and in the kindest way possible, GET A CLUE... GET A LIFE!
Luv,
Vanessa
Miss You Lots
I miss my homeless stalker!
If you're out there Victor, don't be taking money from anyone prettier than me.
PS I'm sure my money bought you a computer so I KNOW you're reading this.
Luv,
Vanessa
If you're out there Victor, don't be taking money from anyone prettier than me.
PS I'm sure my money bought you a computer so I KNOW you're reading this.
Luv,
Vanessa
Judge Not...
DON'T Judge* somebody by their addictions
Who knows maybe someday you'll have one in common.
; )
* Especially not people who love to gamble and drink excessively! Anybody wanna hang out???
Who knows maybe someday you'll have one in common.
; )
* Especially not people who love to gamble and drink excessively! Anybody wanna hang out???
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
NO MEANS NO!
Isn't NO the same in every language?!
Our clever friend says, ' No doesn't always mean no!'
We think he's an anonymous date rapist!
luv,
Vanessa
Our clever friend says, ' No doesn't always mean no!'
We think he's an anonymous date rapist!
luv,
Vanessa
My Homeless Stalker...
Don't be nice! Being nice ALWAYS comes back to bite me in the ass!
I now have a homeless stalker. His name's Victor and he wants to marry me or at least ride my coattails for a while. I gave him money today "for socks and underwear". Boxers to be specific. I'd tell you why he can't wear tighty-whitey's but do you really want to hear? My friends are aghast! 'WHY did you talk to him about his testicle-issues?' I don't know. It's hard to explain. I like listening to people talk. I'm ALWAYS amazed at what comes out of people's mouths when you let them talk. People reveal the most personal things when someone is just listening.
Anyway, my advice to you is, DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!!! Keep moving!
I guess I thought I'd be nice and get into heaven; but, my friend says 'NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!'
I now have a homeless stalker. His name's Victor and he wants to marry me or at least ride my coattails for a while. I gave him money today "for socks and underwear". Boxers to be specific. I'd tell you why he can't wear tighty-whitey's but do you really want to hear? My friends are aghast! 'WHY did you talk to him about his testicle-issues?' I don't know. It's hard to explain. I like listening to people talk. I'm ALWAYS amazed at what comes out of people's mouths when you let them talk. People reveal the most personal things when someone is just listening.
Anyway, my advice to you is, DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!!! Keep moving!
I guess I thought I'd be nice and get into heaven; but, my friend says 'NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!'
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Soylent Green
Anybody hungry?
Greatest Movies Ever???!
Usual Suspects
Coming To America
Fight Club
Glory
GI Jane*
Color Purple*
*(Hey We're chicks what do you expect)
Movies we want to see...
The Muppets Get Gang Raped
Greatest Movies Ever???!
Usual Suspects
Coming To America
Fight Club
Glory
GI Jane*
Color Purple*
*(Hey We're chicks what do you expect)
Movies we want to see...
The Muppets Get Gang Raped
Mood Killers
1. The word "NO"!
2. Married Men who act single
3. Married Men who don't tell you they're married
4. Children of speaking age
5. Children who can open doors
6. Children who don't live with the other parent
7. Photos of Britney Spears
8. STD's
9. Buckley's cough syrup
10. Celebrity crotch shots
12. Cigarette breath
13. Gnarly teeth (BRUSH THEM PLEASE!!!)
14. Hot breath
15. EX's, every one of them!
16. Crowded subway rides
17. A guy who's apartment has no bathroom (Yeah, I've been there)
18. Roving eyes
(Just go. If you can't even stay focused looking in one direction what else can't you do?!)
19. Using the word "MOIST" as a pick up line, for instance walking up to a woman and exclaiming, "My God You're moist."
20. Do you REALLY need that little blue pill?
21. Parole
and yours are?
Luv,
Vanessa
2. Married Men who act single
3. Married Men who don't tell you they're married
4. Children of speaking age
5. Children who can open doors
6. Children who don't live with the other parent
7. Photos of Britney Spears
8. STD's
9. Buckley's cough syrup
10. Celebrity crotch shots
12. Cigarette breath
13. Gnarly teeth (BRUSH THEM PLEASE!!!)
14. Hot breath
15. EX's, every one of them!
16. Crowded subway rides
17. A guy who's apartment has no bathroom (Yeah, I've been there)
18. Roving eyes
(Just go. If you can't even stay focused looking in one direction what else can't you do?!)
19. Using the word "MOIST" as a pick up line, for instance walking up to a woman and exclaiming, "My God You're moist."
20. Do you REALLY need that little blue pill?
21. Parole
and yours are?
Luv,
Vanessa
Friday, November 30, 2007
Knowing you're alive....
Knowing you're alive makes me question the existence of God.
Knowing you're alive makes me pissed off!
Knowing you're alive makes me vomit.
Knowing you're alive makes me drink, HEAVILY!
Knowing you're alive makes me question the substance of all existence on earth and the universe.
Knowing you're alive makes me not want to be.
Knowing you're alive makes me want to stand in oncoming traffic.
Knowing you're alive makes me wish I were brain dead.
Knowing you're alive...
Knowing you're alive makes me pissed off!
Knowing you're alive makes me vomit.
Knowing you're alive makes me drink, HEAVILY!
Knowing you're alive makes me question the substance of all existence on earth and the universe.
Knowing you're alive makes me not want to be.
Knowing you're alive makes me want to stand in oncoming traffic.
Knowing you're alive makes me wish I were brain dead.
Knowing you're alive...
Drink don't think!
Based on a recent study more toxins were found in water than in alcohol. In conclusion, It's better to talk stupid and drink wine than to talk shit and drink water!
Luv Vanessa
Luv Vanessa
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Three things you have to do in life...
Your born, you pay taxes and then you die. That's what it is all about. Have a good life!
Luv Vanessa
Luv Vanessa
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